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TESTIMONY BUDGETING AT CHURCH

The only testimony worthy to be shared in church is that of your new car, new job and house. How dare people hear that you were delivered from yourself, from fear and past pains. How dare they know that you were fighting depression and mental imprisonment. How dare they find out about your issues with lust, porn and masturbation.

Some are fortunate enough to admit that the condition of their heart is like that of a greased sponge, burnt on the sides and dirty. However, what we prefer to project in our day to day lives is the opposite reflection of what is true, because how dare someone know that you are really in a dark empty pit?!

Maybe you’d shout Hypocrisy! But fact is, our default nature loves hearing other people’s depressing stories. We love hearing how they conquered weakness and we use their stories to fix ourselves. Nobody has to know right?

Right? Right!

It all goes wrong when we want to give the people something to measure how much God loves US, tangible things that we claim in church because we think the devil is after our riches! He is after Christ in us. The devil has nothing to do with anything that will not give him glory.
He wants to be like God, he wants to kill steal your spirit and your will, he wants to kill your soul and destroy your body.

SOMEONE IN THE AUDIENCE WANTS TO KNOW THAT ONE CAN BE SET FREE FROM SIN MORE THAN THEY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE APPROVAL OF YOUR CAR FINANCING.

No to filters!
No to testimony budgeting!

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I am a RECOVERING PROCRASTINATOR

My natural instinct is weighing importance. I don’t want to say prioritizing because it’s too deep for a recovering procrastinator like myself.
Even though my super power of weighing importance is super active, procrastination fools me into thinking there is too much time in this world.

Here are the things I learnt :

✏️ Thinking life is too long to do it tomorrow
Life is neither long or short, life is just worth living.
Leaving things for tomorrow means tomorrow you will have double work. Double work means today’s solutions will emerge tomorrow and tomorrow’s solutions will emerge another day.

✏️ Thinking life is too short to worry about a particular thing
Worry hates solutions
If we run away from things that need us to consciously make a decision to fix them, we are cowards! Our giants will exist even when we have died. Our kids will spend their lives trying to defeat our giants before they face their own giants.

✏️ Agreeing with your emotional exhaustion that certain thing are really not that important than you
The attitude of thinking self prioritizing is paramount, not in this Kingdom baby!!!
God is very serious about fellowship with you, that’s where you are important! That’s your me TIME! That’s where you receive God’s love as if He loves ONLY you.
When you get out of there, your life is a life of serving. The overwhelming love you felt in God’s chambers, is the love you are expected to shower people with. When all is done, when you are rejected by those you love, left by those you serve and ridiculed, you won’t feel attacked however you will draw more strength from God, grace, and return back to love again!

✏️ Being a steady target with zero desire to make a move
“Depression hates a moving target.”
Fear becomes your best friend until you entertain mental arrest.
There is no one to help you get to the stirred pool of healing in Bethesda. The first step is to receive Christs help! He moves your eyes away from the pool and makes you focus on Him. He is the help and healing you need. Use your last strength to call on Him and watch Him brighten up your space so that you can see solutions all around you.
Did you know that solution is a easy as braiding your sister’s hair, taking pics, creating an ad on Poster Maker and put it out there for people to come braid their hair by you? Zama R16 to buy 2 packs of hairpiece. Or baking 20 cakes, 4 per packet and selling them? Use the ingredients at home, your neighbours could be your first customers.

✏️ Self gratification by spending on myself = GOOD! instead of using those cents on important things (if I bought clothes and rebranded myself, I’d feel better. But your girl buys ice cream, prawns and hot wings, let me not forget triple decker pizza) = MISTAKE!
If you can afford it though, okay!

My problem with self gratification is either celebrating too quick before seeing proper results or falling towards comfort snacks to push harder but do I ever? 😂 After comforting myself I usually go on “I will see everything else tomorrow, God knows I work hard?” really!!! Okay but did you die though!!!!

Take a few steps everyday towards something that will change your life.

I am a recovering procrastinator. I will get it right!

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I love again

A raging sound of a raging sea
Dry throat
Knocking chest
Trying to gasp a lot of air trying to hold back the tears
Holding on tight my fists are locked
All the souls I have loved and I have kissed
All the souls I have held and I have soaked in my dear heart
I lied
I am being stretched from the center to left
Left alone in slippery mud
Left to pass the threshing floor alone, swifting off the wasted years of giving my heart to wolves. Wasted years of pretending to be in a union knowing very well where my heart should have been ever since
Left to assume the position of victim but maybe I deserve it
I feel punished
I am being stretched from center to right
Right to the start button that I pressed a number of times
Anticipating that something would happen
When nothing happened
I tip toed again to the button
Pressed it but didn’t press it hard
I walked away because what I anticipated never showed face.
Like a big girl I had to wash off the disappointment and pick up my torn dress
Torn by effort and the very love that had to keep me warm
It must be my fault that I didn’t try enough
If I had, I’d still be cold but at least I wouldn’t be freezing
I am right where I have to love again
Painful as it is but I am in a familiar mansion
The mission of loving over and over again has made me memories the number of rooms here
The color and texture of doors here
I have studied the patterns on all walls here
I know how each room smells
Different
But there is a familiar face
A willing will
A calming breeze
A smooth call from a familiar voice
Funny how everytime I move I move with you
Like a dream I feel like I am in control but I am not
Like a wave, breathtaking but I’m swept. I have to love again
I am being stretched, if I could see how far long it will take
How wide it will be
For how long I will love selflessly
For how long I will love effortlessly
For how long until I am warm again
If I could see the road again
If I could
This journey would be easy
Because I would love deeply again
Fearless
Knowing me
In the next second from this…
I will love again
I love again

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Acts 8 – condition of your heart


Some of us have heart issues that limit our experience with God, especially when we hold on to things that we should have left to burn at the alter. Things like unforgiveness, pride, pains of the past, worry, envy and self pity – deprive us from a deep relationship with God who loves us deeply.

Simon the sorcerer of Samaria is a well-known sorcerer who, the Bible says, bewitched the people of the city. The poor and the rich know him to be the greatest and powerful. Philip comes into town and preaches the gospel and Simon the sorcerer believes the word of God. The condition of his heart is exposed later in the passage when he offers to give Peter and John money for power.


What is the condition of your heart? Have you allowed it to be exposed to the God of Hearts? What is holding you back?
Be vulnerable to God and let Him do what only He can do.We should not be discussing things we discussed years back (grow from strength to strength), instead, we should only discuss them with people who are where we used to be, to assist and strengthen them.


Luke 22:32 But I have prayed for you, Peter, that you would stay faithful to me no matter what comes. Remember this: after you have turned back to me and have been restored, make it your life mission to strengthen the faith of your brothers.”

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From the Father of the Prodigal Son


My son

I watched you grow up into a fiercely powerful man. I have vivid memories of the nights your mother and I had to wake up to try to calm your bold discomforts. No matter how many servants woke up with us to ease us from the duties of parenthood – you were our son.

We had done it before, I mean the joys of finding out that a human being was coming to earth, the labour pains, uncertainties, overwhelming curiosities, whether is it a boy or a girl. We had worked the whole 30 hours a day shift of grueling nights, you just made it seem like it was our first time.
Nothing is as fulfilling in life than seeing my image come to life in a little body. It almost felt like reincarnation –  looking at what I used to be!

All this is what makes me forget the wrong and celebrate the good. I could turn a blind eye on how you wanted control. How you were not comfortable with taking orders because you felt you were old enough.
I know that my presence, although full of love, could be intimidating. I never used to enjoy calling you out, showing you your wrongs, using force to snap you out of adolescence when you were refusing to grow up.

I was never okay, ever, with how you would disrespect us, me, yourself!
I do understand how my loud voices of repremand would frustrate you but I need you to know that everything I did was because of love. The love you had difficulties with receiving.
I understood your impatience, how my ways were slow and boring for you and how your ways were proactive, enthusiastic, often unrealistic, but definitely rushed.
I understand how you were starting to feel like a man.
Is that how I pushed you away? That my ways were higher than yours? That my plans for you were better? That my life revolved around you? That my pleasures were in seeing you prosper? And that my desire was to ultimately fix us, our relationship?

I don’t know what pushed you away but it was deeper than your inheritance, it had nothing to do with inheritance.
Was it a cry for freedom? Freedom! Did you want to do things your way? Is that why your fleshly desires easily call you back? Why isn’t my love enough to cause you to stay?

Go, son, I will sit here and await your arrival. No matter how long it will take, when you show up, I will be the first to know. The first to recognize your walk and your scent from kilometers away. In my old age, I will see your teary eyes from afar, your weak shoulders that you didn’t want your brother to tease you about.
I will wait!
And when I have waited, you will come.
And once you return, I will be the first to prove to you that my love for you has always been free. Past freedom and wealth. Past pride and pleasure.
You are my freedom. You are my wealth. You are my pride. You are my pleasure.

Love
Your father