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I love again

A raging sound of a raging sea
Dry throat
Knocking chest
Trying to gasp a lot of air trying to hold back the tears
Holding on tight my fists are locked
All the souls I have loved and I have kissed
All the souls I have held and I have soaked in my dear heart
I lied
I am being stretched from the center to left
Left alone in slippery mud
Left to pass the threshing floor alone, swifting off the wasted years of giving my heart to wolves. Wasted years of pretending to be in a union knowing very well where my heart should have been ever since
Left to assume the position of victim but maybe I deserve it
I feel punished
I am being stretched from center to right
Right to the start button that I pressed a number of times
Anticipating that something would happen
When nothing happened
I tip toed again to the button
Pressed it but didn’t press it hard
I walked away because what I anticipated never showed face.
Like a big girl I had to wash off the disappointment and pick up my torn dress
Torn by effort and the very love that had to keep me warm
It must be my fault that I didn’t try enough
If I had, I’d still be cold but at least I wouldn’t be freezing
I am right where I have to love again
Painful as it is but I am in a familiar mansion
The mission of loving over and over again has made me memories the number of rooms here
The color and texture of doors here
I have studied the patterns on all walls here
I know how each room smells
Different
But there is a familiar face
A willing will
A calming breeze
A smooth call from a familiar voice
Funny how everytime I move I move with you
Like a dream I feel like I am in control but I am not
Like a wave, breathtaking but I’m swept. I have to love again
I am being stretched, if I could see how far long it will take
How wide it will be
For how long I will love selflessly
For how long I will love effortlessly
For how long until I am warm again
If I could see the road again
If I could
This journey would be easy
Because I would love deeply again
Fearless
Knowing me
In the next second from this…
I will love again
I love again

By Kgomotso Baloi

I am a believer and follower of Christ. I am the visionary and founder of 12 Tribes 1 Nation and Perspective 101. I am a blogger and a YouTuber content creator. I am loved, I am capable and I am worthy.

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